Benny Blanco's Pink Pineapple: Peak Stupidity or Just Another Instagram Scam?
Okay, lemme get this straight. We're all losing our minds over a PINK pineapple? A genetically modified *pineapple*? Seriously? This is what occupies our collective consciousness now? Benny Blanco likes it, so we should all run out and...what, exactly? Pay fifty bucks for a piece of fruit that looks like it belongs in a Barbie Dreamhouse?
I saw this "news" about the pink pineapple, and honestly, I choked on my coffee. "A vibrant twist on the classic tropical treat," the article says. Give me a freakin' break. It's a pineapple that's been messed with in a lab. It's not "vibrant," it's chemically altered. It’s like calling a pug "vibrant" – it's still a squished-face dog that can barely breathe, no matter how much you dress it up.
Pink Pineapples: Just Another Way to Rip Us Off?
The Lycopene Lie
So, the big selling point is lycopene, right? The stuff that makes tomatoes red and watermelons pink. Apparently, these pink pineapples have been genetically tweaked to *keep* the lycopene instead of turning it into beta-carotene. Okay, cool. But here's the thing: I can get lycopene from, you know, a tomato. Or watermelon. Or about a million other things that *aren't* shipped halfway across the world in fancy packaging and sold for the price of a decent bottle of scotch.
"No harmful substances are added," they claim. Well, offcourse they’re not *adding* anything harmful! They’re just messing with the DNA of a perfectly good pineapple! Maybe I'm just paranoid, but the whole thing feels…unnatural. Like something out of a sci-fi movie where all the food is grown in vats and tastes vaguely of sadness.
And the "health benefits"? Vitamin C, antioxidants, aids digestion… Newsflash: regular pineapples have all that stuff too! Are we really supposed to believe that a pink pineapple is somehow *healthier* than a yellow one? It’s the same damn fruit, just dyed pink on the inside. It’s like putting racing stripes on a minivan and calling it a sports car.
Pink Pineapple: Peak Influencer Bait?
Instagram Bait and Switch
But let's be real, the *real* reason these things exist is for Instagram. "Photogenic charm," they call it. Translation: "Perfect for vapid influencers to pose with while pretending to care about something other than their follower count." It's all about the aesthetic, baby! Never mind the environmental impact of shipping these things all over the globe. Never mind the fact that it takes two years to grow one. Just gotta get that perfect pink pineapple pic for the 'gram.
It’s peak consumerism, plain and simple. Create a fake scarcity, slap a high price tag on it, and watch the sheep flock to buy it. It's the same playbook they use for everything else these days, and honestly...I'm getting tired of it.
I saw one comment online that said it tasted "incredible." Incredible? It's a pineapple! Pineapples taste like pineapples. Unless they've somehow managed to engineer it to taste like unicorn tears and rainbows, I'm calling BS.
A Waste of Time, Money, and Perfectly Good Pineapples
So, what’s the point of all this? To make Benny Blanco happy? To give influencers something new to post? To line the pockets of some corporation that's figured out how to monetize our obsession with novelty? I don't know, and frankly, I don't care. I’m going to stick with my regular, boring, yellow pineapple. At least I know where it stands.
